Wednesday, September 12, 2018

A time for memories

Yes, I've been doing lots of remembering these past few weeks. My sister, Kerry, was here the last week in August for a week's stay. It was great having her, however, I couldn't help but remember the time she came down in 2010. That visit was so wonderful, I had fun watching her have fun! It was just awesome. She worked a hateful job at that time (much like this time, actually) and her break in the FL sun was much needed and welcome. Last year's visit shared with Lori and Hurricane Irma brings its own memories, not all pleasant. This year was a do-over for her and I am so glad we had the time together. Still, I can't help but compare the visits.
Kerry watching Hurricane Irma from the river room. Note the wet floor

In the process of remembering, our church is celebrating its 40th Anniversary as a congregation with a special service and fellowship meal on the 16th of this month. Part of my responsibilities include gathering messages from those members not at our church any longer who cannot attend the celebration. I have loved this part of serving on the Committee. As I collect their thoughts and type them into readable form, I get to take trips with them down Memory Lane, some which I recall as well, plus things which took place prior to our moving here to FL. I have typed up a couple memories of my own to be shared, including one particular day in 2001 when our church nearly burst at the seams for Timmy's funeral service. It saddens me to think how if something like that happened today, how different it might be at my church with so much that's happened since 2001. That is a loss in itself.

Terri T. is busily scanning photos for a slide show presentation to be played during our meal the day of the anniversary. She asked if it would bother me to have photos with my former spouse in them. I assured her that would be just fine because, at that time, he was quite integral in many aspects of the congregation life. More memories in those photo albums and packets of pictures!

At present, Hurricane Florence is bearing down on the US, aiming right at the Carolina's. Some of our invited guests are in those areas facing potential damage and are not sure they'll come, hating to leave their homes, or if they come, can they get home again...Boy, that brings back memories of last year's visit from Irma and the old "should I stay or should I go?" quandary. "And, if we go, what happens to our house, how can we take care of things if we can't get back here???" 

The news is also about the memories of the terror attacks on 9-11-01, revisiting those days immediately afterward when the nation rallied in support of the USA. Those "9-12" days have passed, slipped away. It gives me the same feeling of what has gone away since folks gathered for Timmy's funeral, and how the nation rallied for a period of time against our enemies, but now are war weary. I know it's odd to have those two issues compared but the feeling in my heart makes it match up. 

On my one podcast the radio host was talking about the acrid aroma that hung in the air of NYC for a long while after the attacks. The smell was of incineration, burned building materials, paper, bodies, and debris, wet debris. It triggers memories for those who were there in those days every time they catch a whiff of that type of smell. It's a real trigger, not a personal slight, of what they experienced in those days where the attacks took place. Scent is a real trigger. There is even an ad on TV that is meant to be funny of a younger lady being approached by a senior citizen in the grocery store. The older lady compliments the younger lady because she smells just like her late husband! Who doesn't love that?? You must get the muscle relaxer that doesn't smell!! Every time I go down the baby aisle at the grocery store I look to see if they have Mennen Baby Bath which is what I used for my kids. It's not made any longer but yet, I look for it. I just want to smell it again and be transported to those special bath times. Ah, those are fond memories....

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Can't versus won't

A few days ago I was thinking of something my friend, Kathy, told me about visiting old folks' homes. She said she could not go along Christmas caroling because she "can't go to nursing homes". Her mother-in-law actually lived in such a place and apparently Kathy never went to see her. Perhaps her husband brought his mom to their house for visits since she was quite able-bodied in those days. Anyway, somehow Kathy would spend time with her mother-in-law but not in the home. In all honesty, it wasn't that Kathy could not go into the home to visit her, she wouldn't do it. As you know, there really is no reason to think you cannot go into an old folks' home, you simply don't want to!

How much in our lives do we claim we cannot do when what we really mean is that we don't want to do it? I think of myself with certain foods which I claim I do not like but have never tried. What is up with that? Justin recently coaxed me into trying a cheesy seafood dip one night at dinner, thinking I would like it. Out of character, I did give it a taste and wow!, I loved it. Now I get some every time I am at Publix (has to be Publix brand) and enjoy it on a cracker or five as my afternoon snack. How long have I gone without this delight in my life, simply because I don't like fish???  The seafood in the dip is actually the 'fake' crab meat which is tolerable, not fishy at all. I really needed one more food in my life, right?

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Filling my head...

...with nothing but topics about which to write! So many things have been buzzing in my brain lately and I guess it's best to have this cooling off period before I hit the keyboard with them. My CO boys have come and gone, no girls this year. Maddie was expected to return but, sadly, her dad suffered a stroke and she needed to stay close to home. 

All three boys who did make the trip, Ryan for his third time, stayed in one room for sleeping. The rest of the time they were awake and at home, two of them spent in the living room, with phones firmly in hand. There was little interest in doing much else with the down time than movie watching or game playing. One day when nothing else was planned before VBS, I got them out to the pool with me but Ryan stayed only an hour or so. The younger two guys seemed to really enjoy their pool time which made me quite happy. When they were less enthusiastic about doing something other than their devices, it made me sad. A few times they did watch movies together, borrowed from Michael, so perhaps they communicated with each other then. 

Vacation Bible School is another subject and that also makes me sad. I am reluctant to say much about it so as not to hurt feelings. As I used to tell Martie about my housekeeper: "If I want it perfect, I'll have to do it myself!" Since I DO NOT want to be in charge, I have to be still. It seemed almost like in spite of ourselves, VBS was pulled off, and the CO kids did a good job with their assigned duties. For the first two days I handled the registration table and was sure to take pictures of each of the forms so we can use the garnered info for future contacts. Last year's forms disappeared which limited my ability to reach out to folks. I had made up my own promotional flyer to mail out since nothing was posted at church or in the preschool. Total number of students all week was fewer than 20 kids, the vast majority from the community. I asked the parents how they heard about us and most said from seeing the banners, which, with prompting, were put up about two weeks out. Who knows how many we missed!?

When I was in WI last month, I told Lynn that the housekeeper was scheduled for right after the CO kids left and before Lynn and the boys arrived. She asked me not to do that, since her grandsons are not tidy and it would be a waste of time. I did cancel Dawn and rebooked for after all the company is gone. When I went to check out the guest room now that the CO kids had left, it felt like I was walking on a beach! When they come home from St. Augustine, I suggested they take a quick dip in the pool before going to their room but only one took me up on it. The youngest, Zach, came out of the bedroom with his clothes changed within minutes of getting back. No shower or anything. Surely sand was where he didn't want it but, okay...Justin swept the floor in the hallway and bedroom to get the sand up and I poured what was in wastebasket into a trash bag to take outside. It was everywhere! 

On the day they were leaving, late afternoon, I asked them to please bring me their sheets, pillow cases, and towels. Colton brought out his small roll of bedding and only the towel I gave him for the beach. I asked if he didn't have any bath towels and he looked at me, quizzically, "Bath towels?" I said, "Yes, the towels used when you showered and stuff." He said, "Oh, I just used the beach towel..." Wow! More than once I had offered to do their wash (Ryan did his own, twice) but both younger fellows refused. I'd have been glad to launder his towel, used for 11 days! 

As I said to both Terri and Justin, I guess it's been a long time since I was a mom to a teen-aged boy!  My skills are rusty and my good humor taxed. I was more incredulous than anything, thinking I must be a poor hostess for allowing one towel per guest for whole visit. But he was fine with it, apparently. When I checked the room, I found one of the beds still wearing its fitted sheet. Why bring me one but not the other? Ha, it was sort of funny as I think back to it, guessing I should have said, "Bring me two sheets, two pillow cases each, plus all the used towels from the room." One must be very specific and not use foreign words like 'bath towel'!! 

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Pratt's Rules

There was recently an award show on MTV at which actor Chris Pratt received a Generation Award. I'm not even sure what that is, but he was impressed by it, and took advantage of the opportunity to address the audience with a short list of rules for living. I have seen fit to omit a couple of them because one was about giving medication to a pet and the other about having to use someone else's bathroom and avoiding embarrassment. This was his attempt to keep things light. The rest of the list, however, is fairly solid stuff. 
No. 1: Breathe. If you don’t, you will suffocate.
No. 2: You have a soul. Be careful with it.
No. 3: Don’t be a turd. If you are strong, be a protector. If you are smart, be a humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons, so do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully. Be bigger than than. 
No. 6: God is real. God loves you, God wants the best for you. Believe that.
No. 8: Learn to pray. It’s easy, and it is so good for your soul.
No. 9. People will tell you that you are perfect just the way that you are---you are not! You are imperfect. You always will be, but there is a powerful force that designed you that way, and if you are willing to accept that, you will have grace. And grace is a gift, and like the freedom that we enjoy in this country that grace was paid for with somebody else’s blood. Do not forget that. Don’t take that for granted.
I'm glad he took this opportunity to address the age group who listens or watches MTV and show them what a star and father can say and believe. And put into practice. No profanity addressed to the President or anyone else, just some good advice for them to follow!

Shades of Justin

Yesterday at Bible study, the pastor's son, Judah, who is a brilliant three years old, sat in. Like a boy his age he struggles with using his indoor voice, or mastering the art of whispering. He peeked out the blinds and saw the preschool students out playing on the equipment in the yard. He asked his mama why his friends were at school but he wasn't. Wow, tough question! How did mama answer him? I don't know, but sure would like to have heard the response.

When Justin was this age, he would plan his birthday celebration months in advance. He'd choose the theme and all that stuff. Timmy did the same thing when he was turning 5, saying he wanted to have a pajama party for his theme. I wasn't invited because I wore a night gown rather than pjs!  Anyway, Justin talked at length about his birthday party coming up 8 months away. Every year! 

Yesterday, Judah told us all what type of cakes he wanted for his next three birthdays. One year it was a purple shark cake. I could see the cake decorators in the room pondering that, having a few years to get such a cake perfected. How funny this is for a kid to think so far down the road, just like Justin did. I see so much of him and his behaviors in Judah, and it's fun to watch. Judah has a command of the language but his maturity does not always match his seemed age. Sometimes he acts just like a three year old, and other times he sounds just like Justin. How fun!

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

My humdrum life

Last night I had the distinct pleasure of sitting through the Town Council meeting, getting to see my newly elected friend, Roland, hard at work.  Unfortunately I was in WI on the night he was sworn in, as I would have loved to be there for that big event. I've been hearing about all his big ideas for our town for months now and am excited with and for him to see things start rolling. However, at the meeting, several topics were brought up about which I had no knowledge or information, and I was quite curious.

Roland had asked me to consider serving on some boards or committees for him and I respectfully declined the opportunity. One reason for my decision is that I have enough stuff to do already between various organizations in which I'm involved. And, due to the Sunshine Law in FL, anytime he and I would be together, our conversation would be limited to food and the weather. That would never suit the two of us and he appreciated my answer. 

So, on a lazy and overcast day like this one we had today, I decided to read the Minutes of the previous meeting to see what the dust up was about that night. Not only could I read the Minutes, I could also listen to the actual proceedings. Cool beans!  I got to hear Roland being sworn in, as Maureen held the family Bible for him. I'd have wept, that's for sure! And then I was able to hear the assignment of various Chairmanships to the Council members as well as the appointment/selection of Mayor and Vice-Mayor.  Okay, that's where things got interesting. The sole female on the dais commented later in the meeting that she felt unduly overlooked for the role of Vice-Mayor due to her gender. Wow! How can you prove or deny such a charge? This vote sort of caught our newly elected official off guard, being the new guy, and he voted with the majority. He had no axe to grind with any of them and walked into a hornet's nest.

During the time when the public can address the Council, several spoke regarding this charge, some insisting offenders step down from their role, and so on. That was a bit over the top and made for much drama in the meeting. This was too bad since the new guy was all prepared to pursue his goals, etc. At least he was able to present all that at last night's meeting, and was teased for violating their anti-filibuster rules! That guy can talk! 

I did have to chuckle at myself for sitting for hours at my desk and listening to such proceedings, just to get myself up to speed. Talk about a humdrum life! 

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Using their wings

Recently I was talking about driving with a friend from church. She was delighted and scared out of her tree to have her 16 year old son become a licensed driver. Her concerns were not necessarily about his skill and common sense, but that of others out on the roads. I believe this is true for all of us!

The conversation brought back memories of when Justin was old enough to drive. When he was of age, I let him take a turn behind the wheel and pull the car into the garage. Prior to that day he'd been gung ho about learning to drive. Once he had his instruction on how to navigate into the garage from the driveway---avoid the water heater, refrigerator, and central vacuum cleaner and so on---he pulled the car into place. And that was it! He was done, no more interest in learning to drive. 

For the rest of his high school years I didn't mind being his driver, or taking my turn with the car pool, picking up kids or dropping them off. But, when it came time for him to go to UNF, a full 30 minutes away, that trip got old quickly. One day I actually drove out there to find that he'd gotten a ride home with a friend. He 'thought' I heard him making the arrangements but I had not. His father was going to give him a car when he got his license which was good. 

I tried to teach Justin to drive, taking him on quiet roads and practicing in the cemetery and parking lots. One day, driving down a road which is technically only one and a half lanes wide, I had to urge him to hang a bit to the left to avoid mailboxes and trees. I was informed that the manual said to stay to the right. I asked him if the manual said anything about hitting trees or mailboxes...

When we changed drivers to meet friends for lunch, he was quite upset with me, after I said something about how well the outing went. He said I was critical and a few other things. Wow! That was the first and only time I took the Lord's name in vain, and told him I was so upset with him, since I thought he did well, that I was going to take him home instead to lunch!  When I related this story to my friend, Carol, I was still quite upset about the incident with the Lord's name and the anger.  She said something so wise to me: "Kim, you cannot teach him to drive..." Nope, and neither could anyone else either. Friends and church family were rebuffed, no no no to their offers.  

At last, I hired a driver's ed school to teach him how to drive, hoping they'd coddle him like I did. Nope, they took him out on the freeway right from leaving home. He did well, passed his test using our friend's smaller car and became a licensed driver. No more did he need me to take him everywhere nor did he need to accompany me wherever I was going. Justin had wings, a brand new car, and places to go!  I had so wanted him to have wings, and now I was upset because he was using them. Parents do that---give them wings and then get upset when they fly away. I'm so glad he is now often my personal driver, dropping me off at the door when distance is an issue, running to the store for needed items, and getting himself to work and back.  I'm so glad his wings bring him right here every night to this lovely nest we share!