When I was enroute to WI last November, sitting on the plane in Atlanta, I got an email message from one of our newer members, Kathy. She wrote brieftly: "On the way to OPMC. Baby Lucas was found blue and unresponsive. No more information. Prayers please." Wow! Lucas was her infant grandson, born in August just after our pastor's son was born. Quickly I typed out a prayer chain prayer and sent it off before it was time for our flight to leave. After I'd hit SEND, I looked and another email had arrived from Kathy saying "Lucas is with Jesus." I gasped, and quickly wrote to those same folks that Lucas had passed away. And I wept, apologizing to the man next to me. I explained what happened and he was most sympathetic. He got it.
Lucas' parents are not members of our church but his brother is in our preschool. Kathy came to our church through her grands being in our preschool. She started out by attending chapel with the kids twice a month and liking what she heard. A life-long Baptist, she took classes and converted to Lutheranism. She even wore a white gown for her confirmation day, something she brought from home. That was the only time I'd seen that done in our church body. It was so special to her to join us.
I have never heard the official cause of death, am guessing that it was SIDS. Because the young family had no other church affiliation, our pastor did a funeral service for Lucas at the funeral home. Several of our members attended which was helpful for Kathy and for Pastor.
The next day I called Pastor to see how he was doing and he said he was okay, but that one was a tough one, on the list of hardest things to do in the ministry. Early in his time here with us I gave him one of Timmy's funeral service folders to use as a reference, and I hoped he never needed it. Since this situation was quite different than Timmy's, he really didn't need to do much more than what was in the hymnal. I told him how I wished to have been there for Kathy and he assured me that she will need our help long after the service. Yes, I surely do know that!
The next day I called Pastor to see how he was doing and he said he was okay, but that one was a tough one, on the list of hardest things to do in the ministry. Early in his time here with us I gave him one of Timmy's funeral service folders to use as a reference, and I hoped he never needed it. Since this situation was quite different than Timmy's, he really didn't need to do much more than what was in the hymnal. I told him how I wished to have been there for Kathy and he assured me that she will need our help long after the service. Yes, I surely do know that!
A couple days ago I was going through some of my books on the shelf near my desk and chose several to pass along to Kathy. I am sad to report that many went without being read though I am so grateful for the sentiment with which they were given to us/me. Some have messages written inside the covers which made me feel funny about giving away, but did so anyway. Some of the books about loss and grieving were from our church publishing house and others were from secular sources. I boxed them up and took them along to church to share with Kathy and her family. She said she was glad to have them and her family was making their way through some of them, together.
Now there are empty spaces on my shelves and Kathy's family is benefited by the comforts in the books. Maybe a year ago, if someone suggested I get rid of those books, I'd have been aghast at the idea. They were special to me! Even if I hadn't read them, they were a gift to me/us to help us through our loss. The blessing of having a church family around to offer needed comfort makes a huge difference in dealing with our loss. I've managed without opening even one book for these many years, and now they are being devoured by someone else's family who needs the comfort. That makes me glad and allows me to offer my support even in that small way.
A few times since Lucas died, their family has joined Kathy in church, even her husband! It would be wonderful to have them become more regular and even to become members some day. I know that would bring Kathy much joy and added comfort after this loss to their family. In the meanwhile, they can read my books and perhaps find some comfort in the Word and words.
