So, what's the story?

Any of you with siblings and parents know that each person has a different version of the same story. How does that happen? Often one of the storytellers will put a more negative spin on the incident being related while another person remembers it as being quite delightful. This came up recently when I was talking with my friend, Terri, about some family event and each one has a diffreent version of how things took place. 

Yesterday I was listening to an episode of "That's The Way I Heard It" by Mike Rowe.  When he was done with the playback, he went live on Zoom, talking with his elderly parents who live in Baltimore. Mike is relating chapters from a book he wrote and cannot get out to promote due to the pandemic (he lives in CA, need say nothing more) so he is using these programs to do so. Mike told a story about cutting down trees in their yard and neighboring woods to use in their wood burning stove. Well, that was a hoot!  Mike told the story one way in his book, and his dad, reluctantly, not to rain on his boy's parade, retold the story the way it really happened. And then Mom got into the fun and remembered the particular tree being in an entirely different place in their yard. For all we know, the tree cutting never took place, but he tells the story in so interesting a fashion that it would be okay if it was entirely a work of fiction! Three people, three different recollections of the same story...

On the news this week has been a high society story about the Royals who left the "life" of luxury in London and are airing their dirty laundry about the royal family.  It seemed like the more the interview went on with what many consider royalty in some circles, Oprah, the stories just got bigger and better, or worse, as the case might be. Of course, the royal family and the press all have other versions of the same story. 

It is distressing to me to have this much unnecessary coverage of this story while the Congress is passing an  horrendously expensive rescue bill (ha ha) and sinking our nation into incredible debt. All this spending is under the guise of helping the people suffering from the pandemic, but in reality, little actually is directed to the people. Typical pork barrel spending, and without much mainstream press attention.  The Royals are fiddling while Rome burns, in this case, the USA, as illegal immigrants are charging the southern border. Ask someone else about the story, and you will probably get a whole 'nother version of the outcome. By the way, gas was up to $2.85.9, a leap of 35 cents in less than a week. Send help!!! 

The Forty Day Challenge (or a lifetime of collections)

 Some recent posts and happenings have me pondering a few things. One of the posts is the "40 Day Lent Challenge" where a person is suggested to find something in their home every day for 40 days and place those items in a bag, to donate at the end of the period. My mind said that is not possible, I cannot let go of 40 items except when I clean out my closet. I have actually done that a couple of times, not long ago.

Another person shared the knowledge of having had to pack out her parent's home and had two weeks to do so. She said she wishes she could serve as a consultant to others on what to keep and what to get rid of well before someone has to do this for us. I did tell her I'd be interested to hear what she has to say. 

Today a friend at church reported having to do basically the same thing for a family member this past weekend and how much stuff was not worthy of being kept. So much work and effort involved in closing out someone else's household, someone else's life collections. 

Timmy's Booklet All About Him 

While my friend, Rosalie, was here visiting, she told me about a photograph she has of herself and Timmy, seated on the front steps of our home. She said, "That is my joy picture." My, that touched my heart so deeply! We went on to discuss a movement circulating now of walking through your home and deciding what gives you joy and what not so much, and freeing your home of the no joy items. 

A couple years ago my sisters had the daunting task of closing out my mom's apartment where she'd lived for many years. Even though we'd discussed the 'who got what' and all that some time ago, it still became a struggle when it came down to the actual sorting and packing thereof. Even with plans in place, it still was a chore to actually do it. 

A box of Timmy's belongings

How does a person begin such a purging? What if something happened and I'd suddenly (or Justin would suddenly) have to clean out my house? What do you think you'd absolutely have to keep and of what could you freely be rid? Would those items be something your family or friends would love, or wish to keep, or are they meaningless to others? I believe that if I choose to participate in the 40 day challenge, I can catch up without violating the concept.

For posterity’s sake

 As President Donald J. Trump prepares to leave the White House, I am making this post so it will show back up as a future memory on my timeline. This isn’t a political dispute. I am genuinely curious what the next 4 years will bring:

Today is 1 day until the Biden/Harris Inauguration. President Trump has returned to FL 

• Gas is currently $2.19 per gallon.

• Interest rates are 2.25 percent for a 30-year mortgage.

• The stock market closed at 30829.40 though we have been fighting COVID for 11 months.

• Our GDP growth for the 3rd Qtr was 33.1 percent.

• We had the best economy ever until COVID and it is recovering well.

• We have not had any new wars or conflicts in the last 4 years.

• North Korea has been under control and has not been testing any missiles.

• ISIS has not been heard from for over 3 years.

• The housing market is the strongest it has been in years.

• Homes have appreciated at an unbelievable rate and sell well.

• And let’s not forget that peace deals in the Middle East were signed by 4 countries—unprecedented!

• Unemployment sits at 6.7% in spite of COVID.

Joe takes over on 1-20-21. Let's see how the next four years fair.   Copied from a friend.

Stinky burgers

 This noon I fried up two hamburger patties I found in the freezer, age unknown. It has been a while since I have done such a thing, but since Justin has moved out, it is up to me to take care of such cooking. There were also some cheese slices in my crisper drawer, found when I cleaned out the fridge last week, age unknown on them also, which I used to make cheeseburgers. They spit and spat all over my stove top, a mess I will clean up shortly. 

As I was enjoying one of the burgers, eaten not on the moldy bread in my kitchen, but on a brat buns, a memory from my newly wed days came to mind. Part of the time in our first year of marriage found my husband laid off or on strike. We were often short on money. One time we were grocery shopping and came upon a deal for pre-pattied burgers for an amazingly low cost. We bought the box and figured we were all set for quite a while with that basic food. The first time we made a couple of burgers, we were surprised by the smell. Cooking in the house versus making on the grille??  Shrugs shoulders...And the taste?  Not good, not good at all. Something was off about these burgers.  Upon closer examination, the fine print indicated these might not be made from beef! What it actually was I cannot remember but it was not cows.

                           

Now what?  We have this box of possibly 40 burgers, minus what we cooked up the first time. To throw them out seemed horribly wasteful and sinful but we sure could not eat them, not able to stand the smell of them cooking nor the flavor or texture. Now that I think of it, there might have been soy involved in those patties. Then we had an idea...My former spouse's brother-in-law and six kids also lived in Milwaukee, with Ernie being a butcher. He would never make a mistake like we did but his kids would be none the wiser. 

We had a get-together with Ernie and his family, the adults having real hamburgers and the kids being served the boxed burgers.  That is where my memory stops--I cannot recall if they noticed the off- scent or taste, or even how many of those burgers were consumed. What I recall is pawning those 2nd class (or 3rd class?) burgers off on the kids. Lesson learned is to always check the label and when it seems too good to be true, it probably is!  By the way, I think I cooked up my two frozen patties just in time. My burger was good, but not like a fresh, hand-pattied burger from The Loop! 

Some sage advice

Now that I am 65 years of age, yes, it is true!, here is so advice I snitched from elsewhere to share. Most of it is easy enough to follow, while some might take a bit of effort to achieve: 

1  After loving my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children and my friends, I have now started loving myself.

2  I have realized that I am not “Atlas”. The world does not rest on my shoulders.

3  I have stopped bargaining with vegetable & fruit vendors. A few pennies more is not going to break me, but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.

4  I leave my waitress a big tip. The extra money might bring a smile to her face. She is toiling much harder for a living than I am.

5  I stopped telling the elderly that they've already narrated that story many times. The story makes them walk down memory lane & relive their past.

6  I have learned not to correct people even when I know they are wrong. The onus of making everyone perfect is not on me. Peace is more precious than perfection.

7  I give compliments freely & generously. Compliments are a mood enhancer not only for the recipient, but also for me.  And a small tip for the recipient of a compliment, never, NEVER turn it down, just say "Thank You.”

8  I have learned not to bother about a crease or a spot on my shirt. Personality speaks louder than appearances.

9  I walk away from people who don't value me. They might not know my worth, but I do.

10  I remain cool when someone plays dirty to outrun me in the rat race. I am not a rat & neither am I in any race.

11  I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions. It’s my emotions that make me human.

12  I have learned that it's better to drop the ego than to break a relationship. My ego will keep me aloof, whereas with relationships, I will never be alone.

13  I have learned to live each day as if it's the last. After all, it might be the last.

14  I am doing what makes me happy. I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to myself. Happiness is a choice. You can be happy at any time, just choose to be!

Why do we have to wait to be 60 or 70 or 80, why can't we practice this at any stage and age?

Self-examination

Some time ago my sister, Lori, gave our mother a journal-type of book for her to complete, to fill in the blanks. The book asked questions or had statements to which Mom would add her rememberance about her childhood, growing up, being an adult, and so on. Upon Mom completing the journal, Lori took the book back for safe keeping for Grandma K's family to have this record. Flash forward to the lockdown and the not being able to get into the Home to visit Mom. Phone calls were the only connection and Mom has no phone any longer because she cannot see to use one. 

Shady Lane Home has been helpful maintaining contact with the families of those who have no other way to contact their families or friends. Each week we "girls' get to talk with Mumsy, as I call her, some of us via FaceTime visits or using the phone for those who are not Apple users. Lori admitted she was sometimes stymied with what to talk about and then had the brainstorm to pull out that long ago completed journal. She started asking Mom questions from the journal and Mom expounds upon what she experienced or witnessed. Mom told her she likes to do that instead of talking about the news and stuff like that. Lynn has been the one to update Mom on the obituaries, keeping her up-to-date of those from church or the community who have died. That is much appreciated.

FaceTime screenshot of Mumsy and me (March 2021) where she has her eyes open. They had to get her up from a nap for the visit.

What Jill and Kerry discusss with her I do not know, but as for myself, I can talk about anything. I can talk the bark off a tree! Once in a while I will bring up something from our shared past, like where we would go fabric shopping when she wintered with us here in FL.  Or how she took care of Justin when he was little, how funny he was, and what she did at his whim. He had quite the imagination as a little guy, and Mom would sometimes drive an imaginary sleigh while pushing his stroller or trying to control a wild pig he had named Agnes, invisible to everyone except him and Grandma! Those are fun conversations as well. The FaceTime calls allow me to be nose to nose with my mumsy, closer than if I was in the same room with her! Some of the Activity Aids are pretty liberal with the amount of time we have for our visits. Others are most stringent about the time alloted so we get cut short, or right on time, with our visits. I will simply take what I can get!

I tell you all this to explain the book Justin gave me for Christmas titled "300 Questions to Ask Your Parents" Before It's Too Late. He said he knew I don't have problems coming up with things to talk about with Mom but thought this would be interesting for me to prompt her memories like Lori is doing. I love it! 

But, I love it more for myself right now than for asking my mom. I am thinking I should fill it out to share with him when I am 95 and in the Home (may that never happen!!).  I am also thinking of other uses for some of the questions in the book, as he described them as being "conversation starters". He follows a conversation starter site online and uses with his friends just to make it interesting. Neither of us struggle for words, usually, at least conversation-wise, but still the prompts in the book are interesting. Other of the questions or fill-in-the-blanks are so thought provoking that they hurt. We can simply skip over those! The answers are not for a grade so can be completed, or only read and never shared, but allow for some contempation and reflection. I love it! 

"I am my mother after all!"

Years ago I saw a mirror in a gift shoppe that had printed on it a poem I found to be amusing:  "Mirror mirror on the wall; I am my mother, after all!" Perhaps it's more amusing now that this forecast has come true!

A few years ago my first thought was this would NEVER happen--I would never be like my mom, as if that is a bad thing, you know?  I don't think I'm aware of anyone who really wants to be just like their mother, especially ladies. Boys might wish to be like their dads, but I would say fewer of us females wished to become their moms. Or was it only the way I feel? 

Only of my funniest stories of my grandma, Lily, was about my sisters and I taking her to the store to shop. We were at Copp's Discount Department Store, an early version of what Wal*Mart would grow up to be. Grandma needed some hairnets so while she pushed her cart through the grocery department, Lori and I went off to secure the hairnets in another part of the store. Finding the package of three white nets, to match her hair, we came back to where we left her in groceries. She was walking in an open space when she asked us how much they were. We said, "Thirty nine cents."  She slammed on her brakes and asked, incredulously, "WWWHHHAT???" This price was crazy high, at least as far as she knew. We had to laugh, as we all banged together when she slammed on her brakes like that, in shock and horror at the cost of hairnets. I am guessing my aunt usually just picked them up for her and never discussed the cost of them. 

Now that is me, when I see something in the store that costs more than I believe it should, my brakes go on! But, you are right, that is not my mother, that was Grandma. My guess is Mom was the same way in her older years, but without the same story as the hairnet shopping trip. 

One day my mom was telling me about how she only wants to get dressed once a day. If she had a midweek church service to attend, she would get ready for church in the morning. I scoffed at that (sorry, Mom!) but now, that is me! I do not want to change my earrings so I wear the same color if I do change my tops, to keep them in place. What?  That is nuts---what is the big deal about changing one's earrings? I do not know!

                          

 Mom sitting at her headquarters in her apartment, having a chuckle

Mom had said to me more than once about going only one place in a day's time. What?? Of course, you go all day long, right? Now that I am facing nearly 65 years of age and have ruined my leg joints, once I am out, will try to accomplish what I can while out. Getting in and out of the car repeatedly, though, is tough on me. One my greatest pleasures is when Justin is my driver and takes me where I need to be. He is so good about putting out his hand to help me walk on unstable ground, or to step down from a curb. He is a gentleman! But, on my own, I am good to go out and do my thing, and then go home again. And stay there! Like a big lump! Sorry I laughed, Mom. 

There are more comparisons to be made, things I do that my mom also did but let's just leave it to the mirror to tell those stories. At this writing I do not time when people get up in the night, if I can hear them, nor do I count how many times it is me getting up. At least, not yet!