A bit of heart-string tugging (WARNING!!)

My posting from earlier this a.m. was to compensate for none yesterday, in case anyone is confused by the multiple postings.

The format to be used is one my friend, Jami, does in her blog though I will not make it a steady style for mine---it will just present better with the stray thoughts being assembled. This format will be named, for now, as Stray Thought Gathering:

A couple recent ‘conversations’, some in person and some via the Internet, have brought some things to mind. This might not be particular to coming off of the “Timmy Week” but the situations others are facing. Thought provoking and memory-stirring, even memory-restoring things.

© One of my friends from church wrote to me about picturing Timmy sitting on my lap in church, wearing a party hat. Those are the kind of things I hang on to, and depend upon others to help me remember. Frankly, I had forgotten about that and thanked Kristi for triggering this memory for me again.

© Hand prints, whether on glass doors or dipped in finger paint, are cherished more if the maker of them is gone.

© Counting the days, the months, the years, the decades of when a loved one left for Home is not outside the realm of normal. It IS normal and IS natural and may be part of the ritual used to grieve. Not everyone will do this, but those who do it now, or did it then, are normal. And when a person loses count, it does not mean they have forgotten their loved one, only that they lost count…maybe it was just time.

© Those mourning losses are more than only the mom and father---remember the siblings, the aunts and uncles, the grandparents, the godparents, the pastors, the classmates, the teachers, the church family, the neighbors, the family friends, the doctors and nurses the loved one interacted with, and others are most certainly grieving along with you. Let them.

© Everyone handles the loss of a loved one in their own way. Make yourself available to them and accept the fact that perhaps the person or people wish to be left alone. Honor that for a while, but then remind them or those around them that you care, send a card, make a phone call to them (DO NOT WAIT to be called!), offer to help write the ‘thank you’ cards for the money gifts or flowers or food donations. You don’t have to talk, but you do have to listen! Hugs go a long way, too.

© In my own case, I was in need of information, in need of something documented. My other friend, who lost a baby, did too. Something to hold on to. The police department sent me the police report, the fire department gave me their paperwork, and the investigators of the accident returned the toys, blanket, dog toys, and whatever else they gathered from the patio that night, in an Evidence Bag.

©When someone has a miscarriage, a stillbirth, an infant, a school-aged child, a young adult, or any one else dear to them who died, the loss is great, and should be acknowledged, whether a breath was ever taken or not.

© Things a person would not ordinarily be ‘upset’ by otherwise are now upsetting. The sound of sirens, particularly rescue vehicle sirens, make my hair stand up and might have me stop in my tracks momentarily, although, oddly enough, I cannot say I remember hearing them that night. I must have, but I don’t remember. For those who have lost infants, a baby crying can stir emotions, or for those whose kids were older, hearing other parents discuss their problems regarding kids can cause heartache. There is nothing the grieving person can do about that, it just happens and that’s it. Not every single time, but at just the right time, it seems in my case.

© A person experiencing a loss in their lives will find comfort in the little things left behind, like the green plastic knife used to buy just the right colored shirt Timmy wanted for his dad, for Christmas. The nice clerk at SteinMart took Timmy around the men’s department to find the shirt as close to the green as possible, as I hung back. A few weeks later the same sales clerk helped Justin find a suit to wear for his brother’s funeral and remembered helping Timmy select his dad’s shirt. The knife is in the memory box in my foyer hallway, alongside a toothbrush with toothpaste yet on it.

My apologies if this caused you any upset but I had to write it down and get it said. Hugs to everyone, whether you need one or not!

My early morning posting, as promised!

Last night I posted on Facebook that I was simply too tired to write last night, my eyes had had it and needed to be closed. It was before 10:00 pm when pulled the covers up and rolled over to sleep. Part of the reason for being so weary was that I was awake shortly after 5:00 yesterday morning, and no rain was falling. Like this morning, the fog is dense, totally obliterating my view across the river, almost like boards over my windows. When I went to bed last night the moon was brilliant in the sky, and it made me think of my ladies with whom I have shared this sight. Two of them wrote to me about it via Facebook, how they drove to or from somewhere by the light of our shared moon!

Even though the daytime temperatures have been somewhat warmer much of this week, when I wake up, it feels cold to me. I was burrowed in bed too long yesterday morning and then had to hustle to get ready for Bible study. On the ride over, I called Mom and caught up with her a bit. I told Mom about reading some blogs on-line and found one about apologetics, and the name of the author/host was that of her nephew's son who is an LCMS pastor in CA. Immediately I dashed off a note to his personal e-mail address, introduced myself, having met him only once when he was a child. When I was telling Mom about writing to him, I had not yet heard back from him, since the time difference is 3 hours. I did hear back from Paul later, though. He vaguely remembers attending a birthday party, I am guessing it was for his great-Grandma Sickles when she was 90, which would have been in 1976. Paul, probably now in his 40's, has had a varied career prior to the ministry and I think this will be so fun to connect all the dots in our lives, separated by miles, attached via the Internet!

My mom stays in touch with her nephew, my cousin, Don, who is the dad to Paul, with both phone and e-mail connections. Before CHRISTmas I had sent him some family photos and he was appreciative to see faces to connect with the names. I believe the last time I saw him was at my aunt's funeral, his mom, many moons ago. They live in NM now but have lived in AZ most of their married life. His parents, Delbert and Louise, lived in IN and loved to travel the US. My former spouse and I had the privilege of enjoying portions of Colorado with them in summer of 1982, at Estes Park where we met up on our vacations! Great fun and fond memories!

Bible study was a bit unusual today as our new booklets had not yet arrived, so Pastor had to photocopy a few copies for us to share. Their 'big' copier was down so he had to use a desktop copier which is not all that efficient for numerous pages. Having the copier down also prevented him from running the copies for the service folder so after class, when the repairman had left, the copies were made and immediately we went to work folding and assembling. I had time to do that as Justin needed to run back home before lunch to pick up his computer and change his laundry load over to the dryer. We were going to have lunch so I waited at church until he called to let me know he was ready.

On the way out the door I received a brief message of encouragement and a warm hug from Pastor H. Only a few moments prior to that I had gotten off the phone after making plans to meet with my friend, Carol, in the afternoon. His encouragement made our hours long conversation quite different and hopeful for healing. Yay! Carol had wanted to get together anyway and we had much to talk about---mother to mother---which was especially important this funeral month, for both of us who suffered the loss of children.

But, before our meeting, I met with Justin at Chili's in Mandarin, a change from the original plan to have Chinese food. I was in the mood for Chinese ever since Hu came for a visit. The guys on my afternoon radio show are just tearing me up, it is more fun to watch them laugh than to hear them make the jokes about 'Hu's on first?'. Ad nauseum!!! One of the guys, Stu, does not find that old bit humorous but then lowered himself to their level in the 4th Hour of the show. Hysterical!!! But Justin was hungry for something from Chili's which is right next door and I really don't care. We had the most wonderful, awesome, sweet corn soup---absolutely fantastic!! I brought home half the soup and one of the two Big Mouth Burgers, while Justin finished my fries. It was a perfect portion, from the lunch menu, and I highly recommend this to folks. Justin had a pasta dish with his, described by him as being fabulous also. Wise choice to pass on the Chinese...but I thought I would help pay down the national debt by eating at Mama Fu's Restaurant!!!

While waiting at home for Carol to arrive, I began transferring my folder and paperwork from the School of Worship Enrichment to a ring binder. Punching holes and sorting papers is quite therapeutic yet cathartic, revisiting the workshops and events of that fantastic weekend. How much more perfect could it be than on Reformation weekend???!!!?? Oh, we learned so very much at this event and wish many more could have joined us. Isn't that always the way? When we do or experience something amazing, we want to tell others all about it so they can share in it. We should be this excited about our Savior and telling others about their salvation. That was part of what we talked about in Bible study, our dual natures of saint and sinner. This is going to be good!!!