Self-examination

Some time ago my sister, Lori, gave our mother a journal-type of book for her to complete, to fill in the blanks. The book asked questions or had statements to which Mom would add her rememberance about her childhood, growing up, being an adult, and so on. Upon Mom completing the journal, Lori took the book back for safe keeping for Grandma K's family to have this record. Flash forward to the lockdown and the not being able to get into the Home to visit Mom. Phone calls were the only connection and Mom has no phone any longer because she cannot see to use one. 

Shady Lane Home has been helpful maintaining contact with the families of those who have no other way to contact their families or friends. Each week we "girls' get to talk with Mumsy, as I call her, some of us via FaceTime visits or using the phone for those who are not Apple users. Lori admitted she was sometimes stymied with what to talk about and then had the brainstorm to pull out that long ago completed journal. She started asking Mom questions from the journal and Mom expounds upon what she experienced or witnessed. Mom told her she likes to do that instead of talking about the news and stuff like that. Lynn has been the one to update Mom on the obituaries, keeping her up-to-date of those from church or the community who have died. That is much appreciated.

FaceTime screenshot of Mumsy and me (March 2021) where she has her eyes open. They had to get her up from a nap for the visit.

What Jill and Kerry discusss with her I do not know, but as for myself, I can talk about anything. I can talk the bark off a tree! Once in a while I will bring up something from our shared past, like where we would go fabric shopping when she wintered with us here in FL.  Or how she took care of Justin when he was little, how funny he was, and what she did at his whim. He had quite the imagination as a little guy, and Mom would sometimes drive an imaginary sleigh while pushing his stroller or trying to control a wild pig he had named Agnes, invisible to everyone except him and Grandma! Those are fun conversations as well. The FaceTime calls allow me to be nose to nose with my mumsy, closer than if I was in the same room with her! Some of the Activity Aids are pretty liberal with the amount of time we have for our visits. Others are most stringent about the time alloted so we get cut short, or right on time, with our visits. I will simply take what I can get!

I tell you all this to explain the book Justin gave me for Christmas titled "300 Questions to Ask Your Parents" Before It's Too Late. He said he knew I don't have problems coming up with things to talk about with Mom but thought this would be interesting for me to prompt her memories like Lori is doing. I love it! 

But, I love it more for myself right now than for asking my mom. I am thinking I should fill it out to share with him when I am 95 and in the Home (may that never happen!!).  I am also thinking of other uses for some of the questions in the book, as he described them as being "conversation starters". He follows a conversation starter site online and uses with his friends just to make it interesting. Neither of us struggle for words, usually, at least conversation-wise, but still the prompts in the book are interesting. Other of the questions or fill-in-the-blanks are so thought provoking that they hurt. We can simply skip over those! The answers are not for a grade so can be completed, or only read and never shared, but allow for some contempation and reflection. I love it! 

"I am my mother after all!"

Years ago I saw a mirror in a gift shoppe that had printed on it a poem I found to be amusing:  "Mirror mirror on the wall; I am my mother, after all!" Perhaps it's more amusing now that this forecast has come true!

A few years ago my first thought was this would NEVER happen--I would never be like my mom, as if that is a bad thing, you know?  I don't think I'm aware of anyone who really wants to be just like their mother, especially ladies. Boys might wish to be like their dads, but I would say fewer of us females wished to become their moms. Or was it only the way I feel? 

Only of my funniest stories of my grandma, Lily, was about my sisters and I taking her to the store to shop. We were at Copp's Discount Department Store, an early version of what Wal*Mart would grow up to be. Grandma needed some hairnets so while she pushed her cart through the grocery department, Lori and I went off to secure the hairnets in another part of the store. Finding the package of three white nets, to match her hair, we came back to where we left her in groceries. She was walking in an open space when she asked us how much they were. We said, "Thirty nine cents."  She slammed on her brakes and asked, incredulously, "WWWHHHAT???" This price was crazy high, at least as far as she knew. We had to laugh, as we all banged together when she slammed on her brakes like that, in shock and horror at the cost of hairnets. I am guessing my aunt usually just picked them up for her and never discussed the cost of them. 

Now that is me, when I see something in the store that costs more than I believe it should, my brakes go on! But, you are right, that is not my mother, that was Grandma. My guess is Mom was the same way in her older years, but without the same story as the hairnet shopping trip. 

One day my mom was telling me about how she only wants to get dressed once a day. If she had a midweek church service to attend, she would get ready for church in the morning. I scoffed at that (sorry, Mom!) but now, that is me! I do not want to change my earrings so I wear the same color if I do change my tops, to keep them in place. What?  That is nuts---what is the big deal about changing one's earrings? I do not know!

                          

 Mom sitting at her headquarters in her apartment, having a chuckle

Mom had said to me more than once about going only one place in a day's time. What?? Of course, you go all day long, right? Now that I am facing nearly 65 years of age and have ruined my leg joints, once I am out, will try to accomplish what I can while out. Getting in and out of the car repeatedly, though, is tough on me. One my greatest pleasures is when Justin is my driver and takes me where I need to be. He is so good about putting out his hand to help me walk on unstable ground, or to step down from a curb. He is a gentleman! But, on my own, I am good to go out and do my thing, and then go home again. And stay there! Like a big lump! Sorry I laughed, Mom. 

There are more comparisons to be made, things I do that my mom also did but let's just leave it to the mirror to tell those stories. At this writing I do not time when people get up in the night, if I can hear them, nor do I count how many times it is me getting up. At least, not yet!