Food for thought from the
Redneck Book of Manners:
Redneck Book of Manners:
1.Never take a beer to a job interview.
2.Always identify people in your yard before
shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler
to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to
change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in
the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a
U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always
hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on
the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Entertaining In Your Home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be
anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no
matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly,
this is a job that should be done in private using
one's OWN truck keys
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing
for several days. However, if you live alone,
deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social
no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's
jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially
on the first date.
2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested:
'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read
that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.'
3. Establish with her parents what time she is
expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might
say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the
man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
Weddings
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding
gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get
you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit
with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can
create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and
shoes for this special occasion.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles,
even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle
with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct
tape.
4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road
with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back
beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle,
especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral
procession.
Two Reasons why it is hard to solve a Redneck
Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records
Some of these are questionable but others I found
quite amusing!! I must be a redneck because of the
crumbs in my bed!
quite amusing!! I must be a redneck because of the
crumbs in my bed!
