Keep me in your rotation, please!

 There are 3 things in life that you need to accept for what they are.

1️⃣ If they wanted to, they would.

2️⃣ No response is a response.

3️⃣ Not everybody has the same values, goals, or heart that you do.

Once you come to terms with those three things, life becomes a lot easier.

This posting on Facebook recently struck me, literally and figurately. It had been a quiet weekend for a number of reasons. I was torn between going somewhere and staying in. When I saw this posting, I thought, "Yeah, what is up with that??!!" Often I go days without hearing from my family, except for Justin as he is a faithful communicator. After all, he learned from the best! The #1 point in the posting was quite a big owie for me to read, and admit that it was true. Ouch! Do people really just put up with me or are they simply waiting for my call? Are people pacing around their homes wondering when I am going to call? OR, do they think that perhaps I am simply too busy to bother? OR, do they see my name on their phone and cringe with dread, thinking, "Oh, boy! What excuse am I going to give her?" Oh, yes, I went there!

So often we/I reach out to people in one way or another and find out some are just not into it. They do not see the contact as being the conversation starter and will sometimes simply 'grunt' a response. Or, give none at all. Imagine doing that face to face--speaking to a person and have them act like no greeting was given or act as though they did not hear you. This might be the blessing or the curse of digital communication, the ability to tune out or simply ignore the contact. Many years ago my brother-in-law and his wife would tell me how badly they stink about keeping in touch. Being aware of that and yet not doing anything about it makes me scratch my head. This brings #2 to mind for our consideration. 

My mumsy would take to reminding me, usually in person, that "not everyone is like you, Kim!"  She wanted to reprimand me with that statement, because my expectations (we will talk more about that later!) were not being met. Usually my disappointment was directed to my sisters or those Mumsy and I had in common. I have since decided that her statement to me should be permanently etched on my grave marker, as profound as it was. #3 on the list is what made me think of that scolding/reminder. Not having the same heart for things as others, or theirs for mine, is often a problem. Sometimes we cannot get each other onto the same page no matter how hard we try. The way I think something should be done is not always the right way or the only way--a tough pill to swallow!

Now, to #4 which does not appear above was suggested by a friend on Facebook after I shared this list. Her comment brought up the word 'expectations', suggesting that expectations can be the death of joy. Boy, is that ever true. I have thought about that so often, thinking a situation would go one way but it goes entirely another direction. It pays no attention to our intention! Talk about soul crushing, in a figurative sense. Living lives of disappointment instead of excitement or delight. Give me delight any day! 

A short while ago I was talking with Justin friends of his from the old days and he did not have current info on them. He explained it to me as being an example of object permanence, knowing that the ball is still there even though the blanket covers it. The reason he doesn't even think about his former housemates is, as he put it, "they are out of rotation". His world is different now, and those who used to be his focus and such are no longer. Things have changed. Google attributes some of this to being on the spectrum which is, in my opinion, a catch all. I told him that I was the opposite of that condition because my mind is usually recalling, sorting, picturing, remembering, reminiscing, and yes, reaching out to people who I wish to keep in my rotation.  Aren't you the lucky ones to live in my head, and my heart?

Across the Table Part 2

 

My courtyard in Santorini, Greece 

My friend, Carol, and I have been friends for a rather long time, knowing each other since we moved to FL in 1988. In the early 2000s is when we began having the heart to heart conversations together. We have been known to sit across the table from each other for four or even more hours. We were sure to tip well to make up for the time. Carol and I would often be dissolved in tears together as well as sharing laughs over life's events. Being church friends is for sure the tie that binds but now that Carol and Cliff changed churches, we have so much more to discuss. As I type this, I feel the strong urge to reach out to my friend for some time across the table again! 

Carol in my dining room at The Palace 

In another posting I have written about my friend, Deborah Bowman, who passed away in fall of September of 2021. My heart aches for her company. We met at the pool at The Club and became fast friends. We would talk and talk and talk there, and in area restaurants. She was a godly woman, had the most amazing zeal for the Lord and His work. Our conversations would be about her work, our lives, anything and everything requiring our discussion! Our favorite places to meet were at Tom & Betty's, sharing an order of funnel cake fries or at Saigon Wok, sometimes closing up the place. Gosh, I miss her! 

Fries were Deborah's Kryptonite, she claimed

Years ago I had a neighbor and friend, Kathy, who had a full plate caring for her elderly mom who lived in my building. When her mom went down for a nap, Kathy would often find her way to my door where we met at my table in the dinette. If Justin happened to be at home, I let him know that she was coming so he would not crash our party, as it were. Some things young men do not need hear, if you know what I mean. One time after I advised Justin that Kathy was on her way up he suggested I hang a sign on the door with my price on it, like the girl in the Peanuts commercial. The help, the ears, I offered was free, and a pleasure to share. Now Kathy and I get together less frequently but still I appreciate the time with her, across the table. 

Kathy and me at the Republican Women's Christmas party a few years ago, wearing our collars with jingle bells attached. 

Across the Table

                                         

This is 'my' courtyard in Santorini, Greece 

So often I think about the best times I have had in my life, my mature years, anyway, have been at a table. When making plans to visit Linda or be visited by her, I tell her how I look forward to being across the table from her. Yes, we sit in the family room together but it is not often for conversation. That time is more for viewing, as we share time watching a program we both enjoy. There is some chit chat but one must be careful to not miss a word of the show!  But when we venture out of our homes and into a restaurant, the best conversations take place across the table, between bites, and sometimes in the midst of a bite. 

Linda is not the only one with whom I speak, however. Just this past week I got a thoughtful note in the mail, yes, a handwritten note, from my friend, Joanne, expressing how much she enjoys talking to me. She has said this to me in the past, but after a recent meal at The Club, she felt compelled to write a card which shall be cherished!

Most people know who know me also know that I get at least one meal a day 'on the outside', usually lunch which sometimes provides my evening meal as well in the foam boxes. I joke about someday being buried in a foam to-go box, stamped Hefty. For the past year or so my friend, Emma, and I have sat across the table from each other on Monday mornings, for breakfast. We started meeting for breakfast when she finished her session with a personal trainer just down the street from Metro Diner. We had our usual servers and our usual orders, being regulars and long sitters. They were so wonderful to us there. 

When Emma had to discontinue the training, the decision was made to stay on Fleming Island and enjoy breakfast at a new restaurant in our neighborhood. They are very good to us there, as well, we having been there to eat even before their official opening! We are long sitters there, too, and a great way to begin our week. Other opportunities to share a meal across the table might occur during the week, but our Mondays are special to us.

 

Linda and me having a good time in Two Rivers, WI

Prior to January of this year, you could count on finding Terri and me seated across the table from each other more than half the time during the week. Her employer wanted everyone to return to the office rather than working from home part-time, with her office now being in Mandarin. Well, that is not handy at all!  For more than a decade she worked either in Orange Park or, since Covid, from home, but now, ATT is totally cramping our style! That, and having our church in Orange Park close has really messed with our meal planning! Due to these changes in our routine, we try to make up for it on weekends, she often joining me at Tom & Betty's on Saturdays, my go-to place that day, and after church on Sundays. She brings her little granddaughter, Elena, with her to Sunday school and worship, and she just loves going to lunch afterward. She also sits across the table when we are together. 

Terri and me at Metro Diner, just before Hurricane Irma came 

Terri gets preference especially since she is a working lady and really needs a break. When Terri is not available, I have a list of folks who also like to share the table for lunch. No matter who it is that joins me for a meal, there is no shortage of things about which to talk. Some we can never discuss politics, and with others, this is our favorite discussion and we cannot wait to see one another to hash things over. Other ladies like to talk about their families and what is going on at home, trips they have taken, and so on. Most often we can discuss food! 

One day after I moved into my new home on Fleming Island, I saw the handyman, Rick, on my street. He flagged me down as I passed by so I stopped to speak with him. Rick asked me, "You like lunch, don't you?" and he already knew that was a silly question since I scheduled his work at my house around lunch! I said that I sure did, and he said there was a group of (hesitates a moment) old hags from the neighborhood who get together on Tuesday each week to have lunch, and he invited me to join them. Evidently Rick and Clinton, his helper, were also old hags. When time allows I do join them and very much enjoy getting to know people not only from my street but also other neighborhoods in our community. Since Terri is now so far away, I have two Tuesdays a month available to dine with the old hags in our community dining establishments. God bless the lady who is responsible for wrangling us all each week!

The conversations shared are to be cherished, as is the time spent together. One thing to keep in mind is that in a restaurant, we are not alone. They are not always conducive to private conversation. We do know some of those places which do give space and time for those type of visits. It has happened more than once with my friend, Christine, and me trying to get together for a lunch and we have been interrupted. Once we were at Pengrees in Orange Park, and several people came to our table to say 'hello' to me. At Pengrees, after the 3rd person stopped by, she announced that next time we are going to Bradford County to eat where no one will know me. Ha, you think so??

               Justin and me at a political event at Thrasher Horne   

Of course, my favorite person to be across the table from is my son, Justin. He and I are both talkers, but only one of us is a listener (ahem, ahem) so my ears get a work out when we are together. I have no problem with that. It just makes me appreciate what my other friends go through when dining with me! 

One of Justin's statements made to me as a child has became the standard for having such conversations. When told he should be quiet and go to sleep after being put to bed an hour before, his reply to me was, "But, Mama, I have words left over!" Yes, dear, we all do, and will share them across the table! 

What happened to my nightie??

Last night I got a fresh gown out of my drawer, my most recently purchased item for sleepwear. I had begun slowly disposing of those gowns which had seen better days and getting new ones to replace them. This particular gown caught my attention because it reminded me of something I wore as a teenager, a dashiki, actually owned by my sister, Lori.  When the gown arrived, I just put it on and wore a few nights before putting it in the laundry. 

Via rotation of no obvious fashion, this gown was next for me to wear. I slipped it on, and noticed it was a bit stubborn going down my body. What in the world happened??  Once I finally got it on, it fit like second skin! Oh my, that was flattering! I thought at first I should take it off and get a different one, but instead toughed it out. There was no difficulty in getting comfortable in my bed and it did not choke me to death, but it was certainly not as much fun to wear as it had been when brand new. The products reviews, read after this incident, suggest hanging to dry as the item might shrink. Yeah, that would have been good to know! I am trying to think of anyone who could use this gown, but I am fairly unique in my tastes and shape. Oh well....I could just slice it up the back like a hospital gown! 

What to do, what to do

 Sunday at church I had seen a gentleman I did not recognize but didn't get a chance to speak with him. On Thursday Steve came to Bible study. His wife and he recently moved to FL after retirement and now live next door to their daughter and her family, also members of our church. How nice is that?! Steve’s wife is visiting another daughter in MN while he gets things straightened away at the new house. We had a chance to chat before class and afterward, with me asking what he is doing to keep busy in these few weeks into retirement. He described it as still trying to find his way, said others have told him they are so active they wondered how they had time to work. Steve was not there yet! 

He used the analogy of having driven a long time on the freeway at 70 miles an hour and then coming to a sudden stop. That has to be jarring to the system. At least they had the task of packing up and moving from Holland, MI to FL and getting settled in. We at the table offered our suggestions including his being so handy and helpful with their granddaughter right next door, a Downs Syndrome child. He agreed about this. We also told how our vacancy pastor who is our former pastor spent his retirement taking care of the church property, doing whatever he could to maintain things in good order. Surely he will go back to doing that once the new pastor is installed. Plus he traveled to see his family in the upper Midwest periodically. I told Steve that he at least now has something special to do on Thursday mornings, joining us for Bible study. Hey, it’s a start!

The Ten Commandments for Seniors

 

Have you done enough?

Have you done enough? Have you seen enough? Enough what, and compared to whom? A recent list popped up on Facebook listing national monuments and landmarks in our nation where the readers were to indicate whether or not they have visited this place. Those which showed up on my page counted as many as 14 or as few as only five. Note, I used the word 'only' which could be construed as a criticism. I do not scoff at the few numbers of sites visited or seen, but feel badly for the person with such limited experiences. 

Some of the sites are the major landmarks like the Statue of Liberty, the Grand Canyon, Gateway Arch, the Washington Monument, those types of sites. Others are more like theme parks, recreation areas, natural landmarks like famous or grand rivers in the USA. It is entertaining to go through and click on the ones I have seen or visited, and a few caused me to look them up online to see what and where they are! A couple of the sites listed are here in my own state, the nation's oldest city, Disney World, and the Everglades State Park. Check, check, and check!

The list does not cause me to feel as though I missed anything, but, rather does allow me to appreciate the places I have been and things I have seen in my now 69 years. Actually I learned how to ski (chalk it up!) at Lake Tahoe and twice rode snowmobiles there. My former spouse and I drove up Pikes' Peak when on vacation in Colorado one year. Talk about nerve wracking! My son, Justin, and I have been to the top of the Empire State Building, perhaps not my first time, but I cannot remember if I had gone up there before our visit. With my sisters, Lynn and Lori, a trip to the Mall of America was enjoyed, which I considered too much a good thing. We ended up going to see a movie while the rest of our group shopped! One of the more significant sites was Arlington National Cemetery with my former spouse, son, and in-laws, Harv and Barb. 

Our nation provides many wonderful sites and places to visit and it is sad that some people never leave their home state or area, or have no desire to do so. Often times my wish was to go hang out at the beach, since moving to FL, that is, but my spouse did enjoy driving and exploring. In my closet are many reels of slides which hold the photos of our trips out west, most of which took place before we had children. For some people, looking at other people's pictures and hearing about their trips is sufficient to satisfy their wanderlust. For others, hour and hours in the car, sometimes without air conditioning, out west, is the way to go. That experience simply adds to the memory. 

Just so you know, I got to check off 22 places of the thirty-four listed, thanks be to God!