"It's Your Own Stupid Fault"

 One time my friend, Linda, asked me what it was like to grow up in my family, that she often wondered how things went with 5 or 6 girls in the house at one time. My first answer was I remembered laughing. I do not think my sisters would answer the same way, but I will not let them influence my remembrances. Sometimes I will recall things which I laughed about and will laugh again. That is good stuff! 

One story I think about was having an organ in our living room where my two youngest sisters took their lessons. Not only was it a musical instrument, it had the capacity to not only record via a cassette recorder built into the equipment, but could also play cassettes. Their teacher would record some songs for the girls and at one time recorded a few Christmas songs as well. My grandmother, Lily, would often come home with us after church on Sundays and hang out. Her vision was not good (when I think of how long she lived like that, it makes me sad!) but I, being a teenager, loved to make her happy. One day I played the recording of "O, Holy Night" made by the teacher, and sat at the keyboard, simulated playing while I sang along. Grandma was so impressed with my skill!! As far as I know she never knew it wasn't me actually playing. 

Another funny event was a summer day when my parents were gone and we had the doors open for fresh air. I turned on the organ and put in the cassette of "Johnny B Goode" by Johnny Winter and just blasted it. We could hear it echoing off our neighbor's house!  All of a sudden I remembered that Grandma was taking a nap in one of the bedrooms. Oops! Immediately I shut that off and when she got up later on, I apologized for playing the music so loud earlier. She said, "That's okay, I just thought I was at Shady Lane..." which just killed us, trying imagine Johnny B Goode echoing in the halls of the old folks' home

But, what I tell Linda was the most fun, or most fun memory, for me was our meal time. As memories often go, I think of the time spent there as being joyful and a true delight. Even if it meant getting around hands smacked with the back of our dad's fork! He was so quick! I'm not sure my sisters remember things the same way I do, I might have different eyes and a more selective remembrance of those days. Fighting over doing the dishes? Yes! Who dries the fry pan--the washer or the person drying dishes? Why was that even a discussion? I guess because the dishtowel would get dirty from the cast iron pan. Somehow it was always an issue! One Sunday after lunch Lori and I were doing the dishes and we were singing and laughing. Mom's room was right off the kitchen and she was taking a rest, I think. She yelled to us to quiet down but just before she did, I had laughed so hard, singing a Bob Dylan song, that I threw up a little bit. It was mostly soda (yes, I had a problem in those days, too!) but that made us laugh all the more. I said, sounding pathetic, "Mom, I just threw up!" and she answered, "Well, it's your own stupid fault!" and we lost it yet again. To this day, this is one of our favorite shared expressions! 

Keep me in your rotation, please!

 There are 3 things in life that you need to accept for what they are.

1️⃣ If they wanted to, they would.

2️⃣ No response is a response.

3️⃣ Not everybody has the same values, goals, or heart that you do.

Once you come to terms with those three things, life becomes a lot easier.

This posting on Facebook recently struck me, literally and figurately. It had been a quiet weekend for a number of reasons. I was torn between going somewhere and staying in. When I saw this posting, I thought, "Yeah, what is up with that??!!" Often I go days without hearing from my family, except for Justin as he is a faithful communicator. After all, he learned from the best! The #1 point in the posting was quite a big owie for me to read, and admit that it was true. Ouch! Do people really just put up with me or are they simply waiting for my call? Are people pacing around their homes wondering when I am going to call? OR, do they think that perhaps I am simply too busy to bother? OR, do they see my name on their phone and cringe with dread, thinking, "Oh, boy! What excuse am I going to give her?" Oh, yes, I went there!

So often we/I reach out to people in one way or another and find out some are just not into it. They do not see the contact as being the conversation starter and will sometimes simply 'grunt' a response. Or, give none at all. Imagine doing that face to face--speaking to a person and have them act like no greeting was given or act as though they did not hear you. This might be the blessing or the curse of digital communication, the ability to tune out or simply ignore the contact. Many years ago my brother-in-law and his wife would tell me how badly they stink about keeping in touch. Being aware of that and yet not doing anything about it makes me scratch my head. This brings #2 to mind for our consideration. 

My mumsy would take to reminding me, usually in person, that "not everyone is like you, Kim!"  She wanted to reprimand me with that statement, because my expectations (we will talk more about that later!) were not being met. Usually my disappointment was directed to my sisters or those Mumsy and I had in common. I have since decided that her statement to me should be permanently etched on my grave marker, as profound as it was. #3 on the list is what made me think of that scolding/reminder. Not having the same heart for things as others, or theirs for mine, is often a problem. Sometimes we cannot get each other onto the same page no matter how hard we try. The way I think something should be done is not always the right way or the only way--a tough pill to swallow!

Now, to #4 which does not appear above was suggested by a friend on Facebook after I shared this list. Her comment brought up the word 'expectations', suggesting that expectations can be the death of joy. Boy, is that ever true. I have thought about that so often, thinking a situation would go one way but it goes entirely another direction. It pays no attention to our intention! Talk about soul crushing, in a figurative sense. Living lives of disappointment instead of excitement or delight. Give me delight any day! 

A short while ago I was talking with Justin about friends of his from the old days and he did not have current info on them. He explained it to me as being an example of object permanence, knowing that the ball is still there even though the blanket covers it. The reason he doesn't even think about his former housemates is, as he put it, "they are out of rotation". His world is different now, and those who used to be his focus and such are no longer. Things have changed. Google attributes some of this to being on the spectrum which is, in my opinion, a catch all. I told him that I was the opposite of that condition because my mind is usually recalling, sorting, picturing, remembering, reminiscing, and yes, reaching out to people who I wish to keep in my rotation.  Aren't you the lucky ones to live in my head, and my heart?