This speech was broadcast by legendary ABC Radio commentator
Paul Harvey on April 3, 1965:
If I were the Devil . . . I mean, if I were the Prince of
Darkness, I would, of course, want to engulf the whole earth in darkness. I
would have a third of its real estate and four-fifths of its population, but I
would not be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree, so I should
set about however necessary to take over the United States.
I would begin with
a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent, I would whisper to you as
I whispered to Eve: “Do as you please.” “Do as you please.” To the
young, I would whisper, “The Bible is a myth.”
I would convince them that man
created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what is bad
is good, and what is good is “square”.
In the ears of the young marrieds,
I would whisper that work is debasing, that cocktail parties are good for you.
I would caution them not to be extreme in religion, in patriotism, in moral
conduct.
And the old, I would teach to pray. I would teach them to say after
me: “Our Father, which art in Washington” . . .
If I were the devil, I’d educate authors in how to make lurid
literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull an uninteresting.
I’d threaten T.V. with dirtier movies and vice versa. And then, if I were the
devil, I’d get organized. I’d infiltrate unions and urge more loafing and less
work, because idle hands usually work for me.
I’d peddle narcotics to whom I
could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction. And I’d
tranquilize the rest with pills.
If I were the devil, I would encourage schools
to refine young intellects but neglect to discipline emotions . . . let those
run wild.
I would designate an atheist to front for me before the highest
courts in the land and I would get preachers to say “she’s right.”
With
flattery and promises of power, I could get the courts to rule what I construe
as against God and in favor of pornography, and thus, I would evict God
from the courthouse, and then from the school house, and then from the houses
of Congress and then, in His own churches.
I would substitute psychology for
religion, and I would deify science because that way men would become smart
enough to create super weapons but not wise enough to control them.
If I were Satan, I’d make the symbol of Easter an egg, and the
symbol of Christmas, a bottle. If I were the devil, I would take from
those who have and I would give to those who wanted, until I had killed the
incentive of the ambitious.
And then, my police state would force everybody
back to work. Then, I could separate families, putting children in uniform,
women in coal mines, and objectors in slave camps. In other words, if I were
Satan, I’d just keep on doing what he’s doing.
Paul Harvey, Good Day
