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No longer on the river and, again, an empty nester. Back to living on Fleming Island and making some more friends!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Yet, another contribution, this one from Linda M., a girl after my own heart!

10. CARROT STICKS

Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

9. EGGNOG

Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.. It's rare ... you cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

8. GRAVY

If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.. Repeat.

7. MASHED POTATOES

As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

6. PRE-EATING

Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

5. EXERCISE

Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a ten-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

4. SANTA COOKIES

If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

3. PIES

Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

2. FRUITCAKE

Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

1. MOTTO

One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOOHOO! What a ride!"


8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kim,
I love it!! Whoo Hoo
Linda J

Kim Lahaie Day said...

Hi Linda J.!

I just added whole milk to my grocery list!!

Laughing,

Kim

Darla said...

I bought Whole Milk today! And that's hilarious about the fruit cake and egg nog! I have added the Egg Nog on my list too!

Kim Lahaie Day said...

Hi Darla!

How about the one about pre-eating? You want to go and eat as much free food as you can----go!!!

Still laughing,

Kim

Linda M said...

Dear Kim,

I got my name in print!!Woo Hoo!!!
Is everybody's page all scrunched up or just mine??

I like the one about carrot sticks and rum balls the best.

AS fro Pre Eating, haven't you read these articles about how not to gain weight during the holidays,,,eat carrot sticks, drink water with a tasty slice of lemon. On the next page is always a recipe for cheese cake made with 4 pks of cream cheese and it fits in a 9x9 pan.

Watching the Snowfall in WI,

Linda M

Kim Lahaie Day said...

Hi Linda M. a.k.a. superstar!!

No, your is likely scrunched looking because of your dial-up or something. I did buy carrot sticks, rather baby carrots, for my niece to eat when she is here, plus some tangerines!

I am watching Glenn Beck's Christmas show and saw a bunch of soldiers in Afganistan, missing their families. And I am worried about calories??? Get real!

Smiles, real ones,

Kim

Anonymous said...

Mine is all scrunched up. Couldn't read the whole thing.
Lynn

Kim Lahaie Day said...

Hi Lynn!

Sorry that it is scrunched....I can send it via e-mail for you because you really will enjoy the funnies!

Have a wonderful day today! I would love to hear about the boy's CHRISTmas program.

Hugs,

Kim