"I could care less about flowers...."

Late in the evenings, I have discovered something on TV that I watch on occasion, perhaps you have heard about it, "Everybody Loves Raymond". It gets on my nerves so I do not make a habit of it and sometimes it seems like the same program every time, lots of whining and hollering. BUT, on occasion, something hits me. There is an obnoxious mother/mother-in-law who lives across the street from her son and his family. Just like Kramer on "Seinfeld", she comes and goes freely, there is never a locked door, it seems. Even finds the couple in their bedroom, which is weird enough.

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Tonight 'Marie' was all upset about getting a gift from the couple, fruit of the month club membership. Oh, she was in a tizzy wondering how in the world they would ever eat all that fruit and then to find out it keeps coming month after month after month....It reminded me of when Justin and I were giving his grandparents flowers of the month for Christmas. They would get different bulbs to plant in the provided basket with dirt in it, during the winter months. Since Arno was a retired farmer, I thought it would be a kick for him to plant the bulbs and tend them as they produced spring flowers. They would have beautiful flowering plants to grace their kitchen during the winter months and then in the summer, when the bulbs quit coming, they could then plant them outside or give them away, whatever. And only one basket came for the entire 6 months so they did not have to deal with a mess of containers. Seemed like a good idea to me, to us...

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Well, one day in late October, I got a phone call from my mom-in-law, and she asked, "You know how you get us those flowers every year for Christmas?" Yes, of course, I do. "Well," she went on, "I could care less about flowers..." What??!!?? Aside from that being a terrible thing to say, I was astounded. Who does not like flowers??? I said that I was sure Arno appreciated being able to be a farmer yet, even if it was flowers on the table, and she brushed it off, like, 'he doesn't really care'. What she was actually getting at was this coming year for Christmas, what she really wanted were gift certificates for area restaurants, in particular, Subway Sandwiches. It seems Arno was not strong enough any longer to do much cooking for them (she had sort of given up on that old 'making meals' thing) and Arno, who was older than she, just could not do it either. But really, was there not a better way to say it than "I could care less about flowers....."? So ,when Marie, on the TV show, was so upset about the fruit coming every month, it brought back the horror of spring flowers growing in the middle of winter!

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They could never throw anything away so the bulbs had to be divvied out equitably to the kids living in the area for their own planting, instead of just tossing 'em. So, stop the madness! Harv and Barb were here shortly after this conversation and we had quite the chuckle over it, and every now and then we'll say, "I could care less about flowers..." Please, in the future, tell us, me, if you do not like our gift, but be diplomatic about it. I personally would say something like, "This year for Christmas, Arno and I want restaurant gift certificates because it is easier for us to stop for lunch than make it...." There, that was nice, soft 'no', as they say in the customer service business. A soft no goes a lot further than a karate chop!

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Another thing that made me chuckle was when I had my colonoscopy. Prior to the actual 'event' I had to do some more medical questionnaire stuff and give them, somehow or another, a urine sample. Since I had not had anything to eat or drink after midnight, this was a good trick. I asked the nurse what they needed it for and the nurse said they had to do a pregnancy test. What? Any female who comes in for a procedure and is between the ages of 11 and 55 gets tested, unless they had a hysterectomy. I told her I have been single since fall of 2003 but she said they still have to do the test. So, I tested negative on two tests that day! Both of which are good things to fail!