Pondering some things

The other day I wrote about the funeral Justin and I attended for our friend who passed away suddenly while on vacation. Living life and doing what he enjoyed, he died while swimming between a boat and the shore. No one is sure exactly what happened, if it was the current pulling him under, or if he had a heart attack, or what. His family members who spoke at the service mentioned how no matter what happened, Big O died doing what he loved. 

There was a slide presentation playing prior to the service on a large screen in front of the sanctuary, showing pictures of Big O and his family from young to the last posed one at The Club on New Year's Eve. Included also were shots of him in his various civic organizations including Rotary and Chamber of Commerce groups.

This was one of the first times Justin has attended a funeral reception held some place other than a church, which is why he wondered about the open bar scenario, etc. My mom wrote to me, referencing a recent obit in her local paper, where the woman was having a 'celebration of her life' at a center next to the funeral home, used by those who don't have church services, or for use after the service. It didn't mention open bar, nor do I know the practice of the proprietors of this center. 

I told Mom I fully expect a celebration after my service where my favorite foods will be served and people can tell their stories, instead of passing the microphone around during the worship service. I won't know what folks will say because I'll be at the heavenly banquet. They might not be able to talk anymore after singing all the hymns I've chosen for my service!

Mom has trouble getting her newspaper and the obits online more often than not so I will look them up for her and e-mail the ones I think she might know. Sometimes I will read them to her over the phone if it works out. Mom marvels at just how much stuff people did in their lives before they died---participating in clubs, playing cards, civic duties, working jobs while farming, traveling, doing mission work, and so on. 

                                 

She has a friend with whom she grew up who is now under Hospice care, having been diagnosed with cancer and given a short time to live. This woman is absolutely amazing (known her all my life!) being active in associations, teaching 4-H, running a green house business, working in various capacities at church (FG), active in the past with the volunteer fire dept., and other social clubs. She was a whirlwind, and at age 92, is soon to go home. 

A few years ago a couple from our church celebrated a landmark wedding anniversary. Andy was in a VA nursing home in the next county where the party was being held. We got to tour the facility, see his room, and the other veterans being served in this lovely, lodge-like atmosphere. 

What I took away from my visit was the cool 'window' bulletin board mounted on the walls outside each room. In his mock 'window' was a history of Andy, showing him as a child, a young man in the service, working for the railroad, his wedding picture, a written biography telling who Andy was, and is. While the dementia may have taken away his memories and his usual personality, this window-view of his life showed the staff and visitors who he used to be, and from where he came. And, to whom he mattered! 

I think this was most helpful to the people who took care of him, to know he wasn't always old, wasn't always forgetful, wasn't always in a wheelchair. This idea would have been most helpful to the staff where I used to work, though most of the dining room and kitchen staff rarely got to the floors where the residents lived. I did, however, several times a day and think it would have been nice to know and to be reminded that these folks have not always been old and perhaps 'difficult'. We, the staff, only got them at the end of their lives, probably not seeing everyone at their best. Their families knew them at their best, however, and I bet would have liked us to know their family member that way, too. Often we would know someone, being it is a small town and all that, but still, to hear about people's history and where they've been and what they've done would have been so good to know, at least for someone like me.