Listening skills

This article was intriguing for me as I've been interested in this topic for some time. Observing people and their interaction, wondering what makes them 'tick' and so on is almost like a hobby. Being an artist (ahem, ahem) I find the art of conversation to be quite fascinating, either when I am giving, or receiving. 

Years ago when I first started to use e-mail, I was telling my sister, Lori, about how much I liked it. "Now I can dominate the conversation!" was my announcement. Her reply made me think: "Since when did THAT make any difference?" Yeah, she was right! Hopefully I have learned since then to refine my conversation skills and am doing better in the give 'n take parts of life. 

I see this often on Facebook when someone writes as their status update about the weather, how they are enjoying the day, buying groceries, or whatever else is going on in their lives. Inevitably someone is going to jump in with THEIR current temp or what they are experiencing. That was NOT the subject---wait to be asked about your weather or post your own updates! It's not a contest, folks---just let people tell their stories!

This came up again in my life about two weeks ago when a new lady joined our water exercise classes. One of our long-time participants had just returned from a trip to France and said, "Kim, don't get out yet, I want to tell you about my trip!" The new lady was also still in the pool near us and before long, inserted herself and HER travel experiences into Joy's story. 

Wow, it was hard for me to not say something but that would be even more rude than the new lady was being. In order to steer it back (there I go again---controlling the conversation!), I would ask Joy a question to get the story back to being hers again. How often do we do that?---hear someone else tell about something and then want to jump in with our story? Even though I've been to France, that was NOT what Joy wanted to tell me. There is a difference between hearing and listening, and between talking and saying something!

This article is directed to parents and children, but it applies to all people, I believe. Let me know what you think:

"I come from a family of talkers. Gather our crew in a room, and there’s no chance of an awkward silence falling. That’s a good thing. The bad part? We’re also a family of WORLD CLASS interrupters. If you want to finish your thought, you’d better spit it out fast and get a little loud at the end for insurance because somebody is sure to be responding before you’re even done.

That’s because we lack some serious listening skills. My people tend to listen specifically to formulate a response, rather than to understand what’s being said. And as soon as that response comes together in our brains we get so excited, we have to blurt it out. Immediately.

Kids—fairly or unfairly—often accuse their parents of simply not listening. It’s true that if you’re preparing to give the parental response the entire time your child is trying to explain her feelings, you’re going to miss some important things. So what does listening to understand your child look like?

Maintain eye contact and don’t multitask.

We parents (especially moms) are notorious multi-taskers. But when your child is trying to ask a question, or explain something to you, put down the phone or that stack of bills, look them in the eye, and focus on them alone. It communicates to your child that their thoughts and needs are important enough to merit your full attention. It also models for your child the good communication skills they need to acquire.

Wait for a pause and ask clarifying questions. One way to improve communication of any type is to clarify unclear ideas or feelings as you go. Wait for a natural pause in conversation and ask questions about details that aren’t clear. If you think you understand, bounce it back to them in the form of, “Okay, so what you’re telling me is…Am I right?”This way, misconceptions can be cleared up before they derail the conversation.

Express empathy for their concerns.

Even if you’re not able to give your child what he or she ultimately desires, expressing an understanding and an empathy for their feelings let’s them know that they have been heard. It might sound like, “I understand that it’s frustrating to you to have to babysit your younger siblings when you’d rather spend time with your friends. I remember how important time with friends was to me when I was your age. But, we all have to pitch in to make our family work and this is an important contribution we need from you right now.”

Don’t set the stage for conflict.

Even in conversations where you know you may have to enforce boundaries or impose discipline, set the tone as one of “Let’s fix what’s broken here”rather than one that feels like “Me vs. You.”And even when the basic facts are clear (for example: you know she broke the rule and that consequences are in order), let your child talk. While it won’t change the thing that needs to happen here and now, it may reveal something about why the problem occurred and enlighten you on how to parent going forward to lead her toward better choices. There’s always something to be learned on both ends."

Dana Hall McCain

Meatloaf is what's for dinner

                 

Justin is loving my meatloaf recipe with its ground beef, a half box of Stove Top stuffing mix, the savory flavor, and an egg. I thought I had a loaf pan but could not find it anywhere. Justin reminded me that the last time I used an aluminum disposable pan so this time I used the mini-loaf pans to bake them. I covered each mini-loaf with bacon and ketchup before baking them. We had corn on the cob with them and called it dinner!

Between Justin's cooking and my attempts at it, we find ourselves eating more often at home than out. Justin is usually bone-tired when he comes in after work, but finds his delight in meal planning and prep. And then, of course, its consumption. He follows websites on line for recipes and I see stuff posted by friends on Facebook that simply entice me as well. I just don't know what's going on around here. 

It occurred to me that Justin and I haven't had our upstairs neighbors, Dick and Debbie, here for dinner in a while. Perhaps, we should make that happen soon and practice a recipe on them. I can't make meatloaf for Dick, though, because he is the master of them. One time when talking, I mentioned my love of meatloaf and the next day he brought one to my door. It weighed a ton, too! I cut it in half and froze part of it. Justin can come up with something else to delight our neighbors at the table...between Pinterest and Facebook, there's likely something out there to appeal to us! Good night all!

A good workout

Not what you would think a workout is like---this one did involve some hustling, however. I got home after our church meeting just in time to get my clothes changed and out to the pool, introduced by a clap of thunder. NUTS!  On the way out I greeted Bill and Nancy who were just picking up their towels to leave but put them back when I arrived. I stepped over to greet Fran and Rick, their first weekend at the pool this season, and then over to sit down with Jacquie and Mark. (An aside:  yesterday Fran sent me a text message that she was at the pool. I told her I had a previous committment, sadly. Then, Nancy M. texted me, having seen me leaving with my dishes in hand for the shower, wondering where I was going. I told her about the shower, but suggested Bill and she make the acquaintence of Fran and Rick, and I understand that they did just that!) 

And then the heavens opened. Bill and Nancy stopped at the table where I was with Mark and Jacquie on their way out, saying they should have left two minutes ago but stayed when I came out. Now, they had to walk home in the pouring rain. Good thing they were in their swimwear, but hope Bill didn't have his iPad with him. Everyone else packed up, too, to go home, leaving me to wait for my burger in the cabana. Miss Chardonnay was sure the storm would blow over, wanting me to sit with her in the cabana and watch soccer, but I excused myself to go home to eat my burger. Scurrying in the pouring rain....to get home. 

My neighbor, Sharon, captured this shot of the strange clouds which accompanied our afternoon storm. We get rain nearly everyday in the 'summer' but not usually so early in the day. This is unacceptable!  We can't blame our weather on the lake being extra cold because that does not apply!

As I mentioned briefly above, we had a congregational and voters meeting today following worship. It was also Fellowship Sunday and Betty, filling in for Judy C., was informed at the shower yesterday to make extra coffee and sandwiches instead of only serving cookies. She follows orders well, though grudgingly. It never occurred to the lady giving those orders to make some sandwiches, though, interestingly enough. But, Betty did not make extra coffee and in fact, ended up throwing some out after the meeting. 

Our congregation president was absent so Jim conducted the meeting for him. The guys had worked so hard in the terrible heat doing the pressure washing of the church, I should say guys and girl, average age 63. Two others cleaned out the garage which made everyone miss Sterling, who handled this task so ably last time. So, anyway, perhaps Mike physically taxed himself yesterday doing that work which didn't allow him to come today. I do hope he's alright tomorrow. 

For dinner tonight, Justin tweaked his chicken and dumplings recipe. He said it would take just 5 minutes to put together if it wasn't for pulling the chicken off the bones of the rotisserie bird. Because the chicken is pre-cooked, the casserole doesn't take long at all to bake, only long enough for the dumplings to form. It sure is delicious! 

The baby shower

 Angel is getting a corsage pinned on by Sue, as Lynn looks on 

 Kristin's daughter, Caitlan, made the chocolate dipped strawberries for the party

Kristin, Sue, and Jean getting things ready to go for the shower 

Angel opening her presents

This cake decoration is made entirely of icing

Kristin and I each bought paper products for the shower, choosing exactly the same ones! The cake Sue ordered matches perfectly, too!

The wedding

Today was the wedding. I have heard much about the wedding---the planning, the build-up, the time off, all that. The yard crew guys took today off in order to take care of business, not the least of which was to get hair cuts and beards trimmed. Justin, Jesse, and Ray, the groom, all got groomed! Then, Ray drove Justin's car to the repair shop in order to get the latch replaced, and then Justin took Ray wherever he had to go before the wedding. Jesse and Ray were going to spend the day together leading up to 'show time' and am glad they had time to squeeze this trip to the repair shop in while doing so. 

It was beastly hot today, too, which made for an uncomfortable night for some, since the ceremony was held outdoors in the garden at the Hilltop Club. Justin took his suit coat along, a corduroy one, but I don't believe he ever put it on. His boss, Will, didn't even bring a jacket. The brothers, Ray and Jesse, looked so good in their suits, seeing them all dressed up. It was a very nice ceremony, many more Scriptural references than I expected. I was quite impressed and pleased to have them take their vows after hearing what God has to say about marriage. 

The lady in front of me, in the patterned top, is Janet, my friend and neighbor.

Another blessing about being at this wedding was getting to see my friend, Martie, again. She works in Jesse's mom's office, with Jesse, too, but I hardly get to see her anymore for one reason or another. We made plans to get together this next week and I hope we can keep them! Also got to see many other folks I haven't see in a long time which was great fun. 

Justin and I sat with his boss, Will, and his wife, Beth, plus his other friends, Ron and Sarah, and Darryl. The meal was served very late but was delicious, including prime rib, which I ate on dinner rolls. Didn't want to stand in line at the pasta bar. I walked to my car after dinner, being escorted by my neighbors/friends, Janet and Arnie, who are also family friends. Justin stayed behind with his friends to party on while us old folks toddled on home! It was a great wedding and I wish Ray and Rose all the very best in their married lives!

New friends!

No Bible study at Victory this week again, this time due to their Vacation Bible School taking place. I have gone a long time without a class, having missed Monday due to the dentist appointment. Since I didn't have Bible study, I could partake in the water exercise class. This week we've been joined by two ladies, referred to as The Canadians, Jennifer and Darlene. They were so much fun, I hate to even think of class next week without them!!

Wednesday the group helped our friend, Randy, celebrate his 79th birthday with this huge chocolate avalanche cake topped with chocolate strawberries. Wow!  His wife, Carol, came over to help celebrate, staying for lunch as well. Since some ladies couldn't stay, we had the cake first, like an appetizer! The Canadians joined in the fun right along with us. That cake was out of this world!!

Today, Jennifer asked the lifeguard, Tiana, to take pictures of the Flying Noodles, our official title, for posterity's sake. This one shows us with noodles in the air!  The Palace is in the background...

Here is another shot of the group with our bar bells in hand (mostly under the water) except for Marlena's which are up in the air! This shows Olla, Susie, Randy, Kay, Nancy L, Pat G., me, Burnie, Darlene, Jennifer on the steps, and Jerry, with his in the air. (click the photo to see us all)

This photo shows us in action on Wednesday, with me on the far right (of course!!!), and next to me is Nancy W. My soda can appears on the edge of the shot, perched on the side of the pool for periodic sips. (click the photo to see us all)

We said good-bye to our new friends as they went their separate ways, Darlene doing some more touring after the IWS wrapped up, with Jennifer and her husband driving back to TX first thing in the morning. She is now my Facebook friend so we're all set!

A worship week

For a few days now I've been printing and gathering information for the meeting we had tonight. I volunteered for this duty, serving on a worship committee set up after some goals were set by a vision task force. I know, I don't like the sounds of that either, but I need to be in the thick of things. We were asked to peruse an essay written by a worship counselor which was presented at a conference, and I printed off the 43 page document. Later, when going through my other worship information, I found the same document, all 43 pages of it. Must be a good paper!

Now I have an assignment, the committee members, to complete by Sunday, coming up with 'big ideas' for each of the goals the initial committee set. Will have to squeeze that in between my other activities this week, including writing the newsletter!

Tuesday I went out to water exercises just to sign the card for Randy's birthday and got to see Nancy again but my cold kept me from enjoying the water. I got to meet two new ladies in the class, however, hotel guests who participated. They were both Canadian, one now living in TX, but they did not know each other until they were introduced at the pool on Monday. How funny is that?? I'd have sworn they were long time friends, the way they behaved with each other. It was fun to watch, having them again in class today. 

Their husbands are part of the Institute of Worship Studies conducted nearby, getting their extended degrees in liturgy, etc. One lady's husband was a music minister for years and is now going to be a professor somewhere, upon finishing his degree. They are loving being along for the ride with their spouses and staying on the banks of the St. Johns, taking in the sights and activities The Club and the area have to offer. We have lots to talk about, as you can imagine.

Because of my meeting tonight, I had to miss Happy Hour and Trivia. I got home at the same time my neighbors were coming back over from The Club and I got the business for missing (Justin wasn't there, either) Trivia because our team lost by one lousy point! Heather told me she knew I'd have gotten the Bible question right but when Nancy W. texted me the question, (she was on the winning team), I answered wrong. The question was 'which king threw Daniel in the lion's den?' Justin and I both thought Nebuchadnezzar but that was not right. Nancy texted me that she thought it was something like Prius....Oh, I know!! Darius!! Nancy didn't say if anyone got it right or not. I have more than once answered incorrectly on Bible questions, so I am cautious. It's okay to let the other team win once in awhile, right?

I heard from the car repair place where Justin's A/C was fixed that the part came in for his hatchback latch. His hatch latch! Boy, it's expensive but the hatch has to operate in order to make it saleable. Now, we just have to get the car over there to have the latch installed and it will be ready to go. Justin's boss has offered to help sell it since Justin can't really take care of any of that stuff during the week. Once the latch is in, he needs to clean it all up and get his car show-room ready. The more he can sell it for, the more he can pay toward his truck, so presentation (and a working latch and A/C!) are everything!

Justin is working a crazy week due to Raymond's wedding on Friday. They are all taking off for the day, even though the wedding is at night. It is not a formal affair but they are acting as though it is. Justin is sure the two of them could have at least worked until noon on Friday in order to not have such a hard week. He is so reasonable! 

He has decided to work a couple hours on Friday morning in order to make sure the lawn at church gets done, should knock it out in about 2 hours. Ever since he saw our member, Jim, on the mower one Saturday, as wet as if he'd been in a shower, Justin has been doing the yard work (an hour's worth donation) every other week. He felt so badly for Jim. Raymond and Justin just fly around with their equipment and get things looking decent, at least twice a month, anyway.